STALL, DAMMIT—FLINT’S ALIVE! (Retro Review)

Figure 1 – James Coburn Studio Headshot

The late actor James Coburn*, 1928-2002 (Figure 1), was a regular supporting actor for TV shows and movies from the 1950s through 1966, appearing as a villain in many Westerns along with other supporting actors (Jack Elam, Lee van Cleef, Dennis Hopper—who were mostly typecast as villains), like Tales of Wells Fargo. He also had supporting roles in several movies, starting with being a sidekick for Pernell Roberts in a Randolph Scott Western in 1959 (Ride Lonesome). His first real featured role (thanks to his friend Robert Vaughn, who also appeared in the film) was as a knife-throwing good guy in The Magnificent Seven. His lanky frame, brilliant grin, and cool demeanor brought him more significant film and TV roles, including playing an Australian (with a better accent than Matt Frewer [Max Headroom] has ever been able to muster, IMO) in The Great Escape. Although he co-starred in a couple of very short-lived TV series in the early 1960s, he never had a starring role until 1966’s Our Man Flint, a delightful and well-written “spy movie” spoof.

Figure 2 – Our Man Flint One-Sheet 1966

Now, if you’re thinking it’s akin to the Dean Martin “comedy” spy “Matt Helm” franchise, it’s nothing like those. Matt Helm was a counter-spy agent in a series of serious spy novels—often dark and brutal—by Donald Hamilton; for those of us who liked the books, a total shock. The movie series was turned into a farce (starting with the fourth book, The Silencers, as the first movie) and played for yuks. The hard-edged, dedicated agent of the books turned into a comedic hard-drinking, smoking womanizer whose only shared attribute with the paper Matt Helm was his cover as a professional photographer. This was at Dean Martin’s request, who wanted the agent to be more like himself.

Figure 3 – Matt Helm, The Silencers One-sheet (1966)

So although they both hit the big screen in 1966, they were totally different types of “spy spoof”… The Matt Helm movies were making fun of spy movies—which were big at the time, thanks to James Bond: I remember going to the theatre and seeing Thunderball, fairly fresh out of high school in 1965. But they did it in a “look at me and see how silly I am in a silly world of spies, with silly villains, etc. kind of way. And look how adorable Dean Martin is  with his smoking, drinking, singing, etc.” (In other words, a star vehicle).

Whereas the Flint movies were a more sly parody of the Bonds and others; Coburn was unknown as a leading man, but he was “cool” in the same way Steve McQueen was; he had studied Martial Arts with Bruce Lee for a time, and his dazzling white-toothed smile held a world of self-confidence. He looked like a guy who could be a super-secret agent. The Maurice Binder title sequences for Bond films were great and featured naked women in silhouette; fine—the Flint films had a naked-er woman (shown in triplicate) if that’s possible—the alert adolescent male could distinguish a nipple here and there in the solarized title sequence. Bond was “sauvé and deboner” (as the saying goes) and looked good in a tuxedo, and made love to every other woman in his films; great—Derek Flint looked the same in a tux, or a uniform, and made love to all the women—Flint had FOUR live-in girlfriends (five at one time, he said, but not in this film). (It was the “swingin’ sixties,” remember. Kind of the height of male chauvinism.) Whatever Bond could do, Flint could do better. Flint had his own Learjet and Bill Lear to service it; Flint spoke at least five languages fluently; Flint taught ballet to the Ballet Russe’s prima ballerina (played by “Batgirl” Yvonne Craig**–but in the second film); had intense scientific knowledge and carried a lighter that had 81 functions (82 if you wished to light a cigar). And it was played straight, because they knew that if you laugh at your own jokes, nobody would find you funny. On to the film itself.

Imagine a world where several scientists, disappointed by the way the world is being run and having the ability to drill into the earth’s unstable regions decide to create a new peaceful society (called “Galaxy”), an idyllic society, in a secret island somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. And supposing these same scientists discover they can control the world’s weather by drilling into these regions—and decide that controlling the world’s weather means forcing the world into the same sort of society as Galaxy. So these scientists create weather catastrophes in several parts of the world as an inducement—and contact the world leaders, threatening worldwide catastrophes if all nuclear weapons were not destroyed and armies, navies, air forces, etc., were not disbanded. Who would you send?

The world’s intelligence service (ZOWIE—the Zonal Organization [for] World Intelligence [and] Espionage, headed by Lloyd C. Cramden (Lee J. Cobb) gets all the world’s leaders and intelligence heads together and they all run their computer searches to see who’s best suited to take on the challenge of Galaxy. (0008 and other big names were unavailable at the time.) All these searches brought up the name Derek Flint—but Cramden was adamant: Flint was no good—he had no discipline and couldn’t follow orders! (Flint had worked under Cramden years before, perhaps in the U.S. Armed Forces, and Cramden knew well Flint’s insistence on doing things his way rather than the Army way.) But the world leaders insisted and, finally, the Red Phone (Figure 4) rang: the President insisted that Cramden call on Flint. (Parenthetical note: the phone ringtone (Figure 3—ringtone; click below)

) was instantly so popular that many movies and TV shows immediately adopted it; in Seattle, chidren’s show host J.P. Patches [Chris Wedes] made it his incoming phone-call tone! J.P. Patches became the longest-running children’s show in the United States—23 years!)

Figure 4 – The Red Phone

After several attempts, Cramden was able to humble himself enough to contact Flint at his Manhattan penthouse where he lived with Anna (Sigrid Valdis), Gina (Gianna Serra), Leslie (Shelby Grant) and Sakito (Helen Funai); Flint reluctantly agreed to take on the task, but insisted he go it alone.

Derek was up against the full force of Galaxy and in particular a task force led by Gila (Gila Golan), assisted by Malcolm Rodney (Edward Mulhare). Several tries to kill Flint seemed to, or almost did bear fruit, but in the end, Gila was unsuccessful, and Flint made it to Galaxy Island. (Gila Golan was an Israeli actor and model, who had only a few movies to her credit; in my opinion she wasn’t a very good actor, despite her appearance in at least one A-list movie, Ship of Fools. Note to fans: she also appeared in the classic stop-motion SF film Valley of Gwangi [1969—animated by Willis O’Brien of King Kong fame] with costars James Franciscus and Richard Carlson.)

And that, I think, is a good place to leave you. Despite the fact that movie spoilers don’t bother me personally, I am aware that many people don’t like spoilers (they’re called that for a reason), so I try not to put too many spoilers even in an old-movie review. So I’ll leave you to try to find the movie (it’s on YouTube if you want to find it) yourself.
Next column I hope—if it doesn’t get pushed aside—to review the follow-up movie, called In Like Flint. A third movie was planned but never made, although in 1971 or so, Harlan Ellison wrote a screenplay called Flintlock, that was never produced. I haven’t seen or read it, because someone published it in a very expensive limited edition, but if any of my readers has it and wants to lend it to me, I’d much appreciate it. A third Derek Flint movie—a TV movie—starring Ray Danton as Flint, was made, but he was a private detective and the movie bombed. It was pretty bad, IMO.

*I know it doesn’t really mean much to anyone else, but I found out a few years ago that my cousin Luella was Coburn’s housekeeper for at least a year, and worked for the Roddenberrys as well. All within that same period of the mid-to-late ‘60s, when the two Coburn Flint movies were made. Had I known it in 1967, I would have pestered her for information and maybe some Coburn memorabilia, but hey—them’s the breaks.

**Back in the mid-to-late ‘60s, when I was in the U.S. Navy (Go, Navy!) I worked part-time at the “Dollar-a-Day” (now “Dollar”) car rental agency’s Mason Street office (there was another office at the San Francisco International Airport), owned by my then-father-in-law. One night I was totally surprised to rent a car to the late Yvonne Craig. I said something like “Hey! Aren’t you Batgirl?” and she smiled and admitted it. That’s about all I remember, but I don’t seem to have stolen the signed contract from the Dollar files. Sigh.

Full disclosure: I did a review of the “Flint” movies ten years ago in these very pages… er, pixels. But this review is entirely new; in fact, I didn’t even look at the first column (somewhere about #58) that featured a “Flint” review.

P.S.: I neglected to credit well-known artist Robert E. McGinnis for the featured image, found online. McGinnis’s distinctive and attractive style was found on many paperback covers in the ’50s and ’60s, including many of John D. MacDonald‘s “Travis McGee” books and also many crime/noir books.

If anyone wishes to comment, you can comment here or on Facebook, or even by email (stevefah at hotmail dot com). I’d like to hear from you whether you agree with me or not. (You don’t learn much by preaching to the choir, right?) My opinion is, as always, my own, and doesn’t necessarily reflect the views of Amazing Stories or its owner, editor, publisher or other columnists. See you next time!

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