I’ve reviewed a couple of D. G. “Den” Valdron’s books before, like Axis of Andes, a great alternate history-type book. Den is a prolific writer on Facebook—you can check his FB page out if you search “D.G. Valdron”; he’s also written a number of books. This week I’m going to review his latest book, which is, I believe, a departure from not only his other books (though I confess I haven’t read them all), but also from the type of book I generally review. Before you read any farther, I’d like to tell (warn?) you that this book is a slasher-splatterpunk-bloody horror book that makes Skipp & Spector look like wussies, and leaves Clive Barker and Steve King in the dust. I loved it! So if you’re not too scared or are subject to severe bouts of nausea, read on!
I love horror books and movies, though in the movie genre, slasher films—films focused entirely on the gore or explicit body mutilation at the expense of plot or character development. I wince and sympathize when I see torture on the screen… but on the page, even though I see those things in my mind’s eye, I’m not overly bothered. So this book was my meat and potatoes, I have to tell you. Let’s take a look at Squad Thirteen.
Most people are aware of the villains in horror movie series, like Jason Voorhees in Friday the Thirteenth (which, judging from title and contents, this book is a bit of an homage to it); also Freddy Krueger in the Nightmare on Elm Street series; Michael Meyers in the Halloween franchise; Art the Clown in Terrifier and its sequels; Jigsaw in the Saw movies, and so on. Now imagine some kind of dimensional rift that brings thirteen of these villains to our real world where they go on their usual killing sprees, then vanish for a few years, only to recommence where they left off, over and over.
Well, that’s the basic idea behind Squad Thirteen—all the villains in this book are analogues of Jason, Freddy, etc., including a few I’ve never heard of—or maybe they’re made up. Doesn’t matter, the basic idea’s there. These villains are named Michael, Andrew, Vernon instead of the previous set of names—but even if they’re made up out of whole cloth, it’s the same fabric as the ones you know are made of. But now take it a step farther—imagine the Government (I’m assuming the U.S. Government, though it’s never as far as I remember actually stated) has managed to enlist these worthies as a special “troubleshooting” troupe that, when not needed, is kept in the desert where atomic weapons used to be tested, because these “people” exude a toxic kind of radiation that seeps into people, the soil, the animals—and it’s both physical and mental, in that the longer one is exposed to them, they lose all hope, all human feeling, and despair, inertia, dread and, eventually, a welcome to death as a release becomes the only feelings one knows. (And, possibly, even death won’t be a release…)
Figure 3 – The One With the Bat CENTER
Why do these villains let themselves be used by any government? Because they are free to indulge in their worst behaviour on any target—and usually, the smallest target is a town or small city—and nobody—literally nobody and nothing alive in that area—survives. The squad kills everything!
The book comprises five chapters and a prologue: Prologue With a Vampire. In the prologue we meet one of two continuing characters: The General. (We will meet the other character, The Lieutenant, in the following chapter: The Desert, which explains what we need to know about the Squad.) In the prologue, the General—as the only person They (to save time, I’ll call the Squad “They” and “Them” from now on) have left alive; there has to be some kind of communication between Them and the Government. The city in the Prologue has been taken over by vampires, who have killed everyone except a few hundred kept alive in various churches, etc., sort of as the core of a new society. They (in this case, “They” means the vampires) figure they can do a better job of keeping us happy as their “cattle” than we’ve been doing themselves. Vampires are, after all, like fish—immortal except in case of accident or deliberate killing by something bigger than them (in this case, disease won’t touch vampires, and they figure they can take care of themselves). Surprise!
In Chapter 1, we learn about The Desert, where They are kept when not out killing for the Government. We also learn about The Lieutenant, who will be our main continuing human character from now on. Like The General before her, The Lieutenant is not happy with her role, but hey, it’s the military, and she signed on to do a job. She’s afraid it will be the last job she ever does. (She could be right…?)
In the following four chapters—Briefing, Centipedes, Windy Valley Go-Go and Hungry, Hungry Houngans, we learn about some of the threats They face, ranging from alien creatures, werewolf colonies, and misplaced African animals (you can thank Pablo Escobar for the last one. Yes, that part is real, AFAIK. (As Far As I Know.) Do Our Guys prevail against all odds? Well, you’ve seen the movies, what do you think? Our Guys—like it or not—always come back, despite how many “final chapters”? The last chapter resembles the kids’ game “Hungry, Hungry Hippos” mixed with Francis Ford Coppola’s Apocalypse Now film’s river voyage—definitely on purpose.
So what’s so terrible about this book? Every kind of death and mutilation you can (or don’t want to) imagine is described in “loving” detail during the course of this book. Valdron glories in topping the worst death, torture and dismemberment he’s ever seen printed. This book is a giant downer—with a little nihilist philosophy thrown in by the protagonists (no, not the Squad; they don’t talk at all). If you’re looking for a book with a happy ending, you’d better look elsewhere. What I can say is that this book pretty much impels you to keep reading; you want to know who gets it next, and why? (And, incidentally, when is it going to end?)
Den has managed a tour-de-force in this genre, and I think it’s a good thing; along the way he’s examined the kinds of brutality humans are capable of, and given a lot of thought to whether there is much good in the world, and what our reactions should be to various evils. In a weird way, it’s a philosophical book, and the gore and inhumanity recede into the background of what the protagonists are feeling throughout the story. But for fans of horror and slasher-type films, you won’t be able to find a book or film to top this one! Highly recommended. You can find it on Amazon https://denvaldron.com/2025/08/04/squad-thirteen-its-official/
I’d like to hear what you think about this column. I’m on Facebook, or you could email me (stevefah at hotmail dot com). If you liked it, let me know—if you hated it, let me know so I can do better! My opinion is, as always, my own, and doesn’t necessarily reflect the views of Amazing Stories or its owner, editor, publisher or other columnists. See you next time!
