Goodbye, Karen

Today, an hour before this post went live, we began the memorial for Karen.

She asked to be cremated and interred with her parents. This I have done.

She asked that her family and friends be with her, and they were.

Towards the end, she kept saying that she wanted to go home. I assured her that we were on the way and would get there soon.

She wasn’t religious or spiritual in life, though she asked many questions. At the end, she felt that her parents and pets were waiting for her. I told her she would get to where she wanted to go.

She struggled to breathe for an hour or so and then simply stopped. As did our time together.

As for the rest:

Karen, I’m sorry that I didn’t always understand what you were asking me for. I hope you know I did the best I could I know it wasn’t enough. I know you were counting on me to save you. That was beyond me and I’m sorry.

I know you were angry me with me towards the end, though I don’t know why. If you felt I should have spent more time with you, I’m sorry that I didn’t give you all the time you needed. I’m sorry that sometimes I had to hurt you in order to help you.

I’m sorry that I said “goodbye” and “I love you” when you probably weren’t aware of it. I said I love you often, but not enough.

Karen, mostly I’m sorry that you had to go and that I could never give you a good answer for “why me?”.

Karen, you’ll be with me all the rest of my life. I love you baby doll. And Bo does too.

Goodbye.