A cautionary tale for all of you who see their food stores announcing record profits. Food supply is definitely a service industry, but in the long run, you must wonder…who is servicing who?
Welcome to FoodDroid!
By Luke Foster
From: customerservice@fooddroid.com
To: sbyrd@magellancorp.com
Date: July 7, 2025, 8:45 a.m.
Subject: Welcome to FoodDroid!
Hello, Suzanne!
Welcome to the FoodDroid family! Magellan Corporation employees no longer have to make the long walk across campus whenever they want lunch, now that FoodDroid is bringing their meals to them! No matter the weather, the time of day, or even if any unexpected obstacles appear, your employees will never miss a meal again!
Make sure your employees download the FoodDroid app so they can unlock the FoodDroid whenever it brings their order!
If you or your staff have any issues with your FoodDroid, email help@fooddroid.com or call 888-112-8252 any time day or night.
FoodDroid! The future of food today!
#
From: technicalcare@fooddroid.com
To: sbyrd@magellancorp.com
Date: September 9, 2025, 12:02 p.m.
Subject: Update today!
Hello, Suzanne!
Great news! FoodDroid app ver. 2.0 is ready for download! With this update, users no longer have to type in their four-digit code to unlock their FoodDroid! They just need to scan the QR code on the FoodDroid’s display screen to unlock their delicious meals! Encourage your employees to download FoodDroid ver. 2.0 today!
FoodDroid! The future of food today!
#
From: help@fooddroid.com
To: sbyrd@magellancorp.com
Date: September 13, 2025, 4:35 p.m.
Subject: Re: Customer Support Ticket #876543232
Dear Suzanne,
We’re sorry you and your staff are experiencing problems with FoodDroid app ver. 2.0. It appears your problems are caused by a bug that, unfortunately, made it past our rigorous quality control process. We are pushing ver. 2.1 out tonight. Please ask your staff to download it at their earliest opportunity. Again, we apologize for the inconvenience, and we appreciate your continued business with FoodDroid.
FoodDroid! The future of food today!
#
From: marketing@fooddroid.com
To: sbyrd@magellancorp.com
Date: April 5, 2026, 8:00 a.m.
Subject: FoodDroid U. is here!
Hi, Suzanne!
Guess what! We have exciting news! FoodDroid is coming to college campuses! No more waiting in long lines between classes! No more wondering what the cafeteria is serving! FoodDroid University will bring your favorite student’s meals right to them! And don’t worry about them maxing out their credit cards! FoodDroid University accepts student meal plans, too!
FoodDroid! The future of food today!
#
From: marketing@fooddroid.com
To: sbyrd@magellancorp.com
Date: June 6, 2026, 1:00 p.m.
Subject: Welcome to the future of FoodDroid!
Great news, Suzanne!
The newest FoodDroid is here! FoodDroid Model G can drive over any terrain, and its intuitive sensors automatically map out the safest, most efficient route to our customers. Lunchtime will get here even quicker thanks to FoodDroid! Don’t hesitate to order your new FoodDroids!
FoodDroid! The future of food today!
#
From: marketing@fooddroid.com
To: sbyrd@magellancorp.com
Date: September 1, 2026, 6:00 a.m.
Subject: FoodDroid for all ages!
Good morning, Suzanne!
We’re sure you heard the news, but we’re so excited we just have to tell you again: the city of New York has contracted with FoodDroid to supply meals to the entire public school system! That’s right, soon FoodDroids will be seen in all five boroughs, supplying the healthy and nutritious meals that all our children deserve.
FoodDroid! The future of food today!
#
From: press@fooddroid.com
To: sbyrd@magellancorp.com
Date: October 1, 2026, 6:00 a.m.
Subject: FoodDroid NY on hold
A statement from FoodDroid
On Sept. 31, 2026, FoodDroid and the city of New York mutually agreed to suspend FoodDroid’s contract to serve the New York City Public School system. Although the FoodDroid units are designed with safety and durability in mind, a number of units were still subject to vandalism and theft.
“While this was an unfortunate setback, we believe in the FoodDroid vision,” FoodDroid president and CEO Carl Major said. “We still intend to provide FoodDroid services to children and adults across the country.”
“The FoodDroid company has been a gracious partner during this embarrassing incident, and we stress that it does not represent the many smart, courteous, respectful students and parents in the great city of New York,” New York City Schools Chancellor Rita Peralta said.
For additional information, please contact the FoodDroid public relations office at 888-112-8255 or email press@fooddroid.com.
#
From: customerservice@fooddroid.com
To: sbyrd@magellancorp.com
Date: January 3, 2027, 8:45 a.m.
Subject: The Future is bright with FoodDroid K!
Hello, Suzanne!
We’re delighted that you chose to purchase FoodDroid Model K for the Magellan Corporation campus! Weighing in at 300 pounds, and made of an extra strong, extra durable, extra secret ( 😉 ) alloy, Model K is stronger and more reliable than ever before. Your employees’ meals are guaranteed to stay at the right temperature and safe from theft while traveling across campus. We thank you for your continued business with FoodDroid, and we look forward to a productive partnership for many years to come.
FoodDroid! The future of food today!
#
From: marketing@fooddroid.com
To: sbyrd@magellancorp.com
Date: Feb. 1, 2027, 6:00 a.m.
Subject: FoodDroid returns!
Great news, Suzanne!
FoodDroid is returning to New York! That’s right, the New York City Public Schools have purchased FoodDroid Model K! Now, their many, many great schoolkids will have the benefit of hot, delicious meals every day at lunch. And we haven’t forgotten the children who might need a little help in the morning! That’s right, as part of our commitment to the community, FoodDroid will provide breakfast at no charge to needy students in all five boroughs. Let’s help all our young ones get the start they deserve.
FoodDroid! The future of food today!
#
From: technicalcare@fooddroid.com
To: sbyrd@magellancorp.com
Date: Feb. 1, 2027, 6:00 a.m.
Subject: FoodDroid App 5.0 has been released
Dear Ms. Byrd,
FoodDroid ver. 5.0 has been released in the iOS and Android stores. This version of the app incorporates facial recognition software that will provide a more secure method of unlocking the FoodDroid than the previous code scanner. Encourage your employees to download ver. 5.0 today.
FoodDroid! The future of food today!
#
From: marketing@fooddroid.com
To: sbyrd@magellancorp.com
Date: Sept. 1, 2027, 9:00 a.m.
Subject: FoodDroid returns!
Dear Ms. Byrd,
FoodDroid has more exciting news for you. We are proud to announce that we are opening a serious of ghost kitchens across the country. What is a ghost kitchen? We’re glad you asked. Ghost kitchens are the latest innovation in food preparation. Rather than have a large restaurant storefront with a large seating area, ghost kitchens are compact food-preparation areas set up exclusively for delivery services. Now, rather than wait for kitchens to prepare your employees’ meals in between their other customers, our ghost kitchens prepare meals exclusively for FoodDroid customers. No more waiting! No more incorrect orders! Just a direct line of food from us to you.
FoodDroid! The future of food today!
#
From: marketing@fooddroid.com
To: sbyrd@magellancorp.com
Date: Sept. 1, 2027, 9:00 a.m.
Subject: FoodDroid abroad!
Dear Ms. Byrd,
FoodDroid is proud to announce that our robots will now serve businesses and schools in France and Germany, in addition to those already in England, Canada, Mexico, and, of course, the United States. Before you know it, FoodDroid robots will be as familiar around the world as Mickey Mouse!
FoodDroid! The future of food today!
#
From: press@fooddroid.com
To: sbyrd@magellancorp.com
Date: December 24, 2027, 11:32 p.m.
Subject: A statement on the passing of Carl Major
A statement from FoodDroid
FoodDroid is confirming reports in this evening’s news that Carl Major, CEO of FoodDroid, and his family, passed away while driving to a Christmas Eve celebration at a relative’s home in upstate New York. According to police reports, Mr. Major lost control of his car while driving around a hairpin turn. Please join the FoodDroid family in offering their thoughts and prayers to Carl Major, Erin Major, Carl Major, Jr., and Jack Major, and in offering our sincere condolences to their extended family and friends during this tragic time.
The FoodDroid board of directors will convene at 8 a.m. on December 26 to appoint a new CEO and ensure a continuity of business operations.
#
From: marketing@fooddroid.com
To: sbyrd@magellancorp.com
Date: June 1, 2028, 8:00 a.m.
Subject: A full day of FoodDroid meals
Ms. Byrd,
FoodDroid is announcing today that FoodDroid now offers breakfast, lunch, and dinner seven days a week to all college and university campuses throughout the United States, and eighty-two percent of schools throughout the rest of North America. Discussions are underway to expand these services to our European and Asian markets as well.
FoodDroid. The future of food today.
#
From: technicalcare@fooddroid.com
To: sbyrd@magellancorp.com
Date: October 29, 2028, 6:00 a.m.
Subject: Your new FoodDroid email
Dear Ms. Byrd,
Beginning December 1, 2028, all FoodDroid accounts will receive new email addresses on the FoodDroid servers. This will ensure all FoodDroid communications reach our customers in a timely and efficient manner. After December 1, this email address will no longer receive FoodDroid correspondence. Please use the signup information below to set up your account.
FoodDroid. The future of food today.
#
From: technicalcare@fooddroid.com
To: 17625232@fooddroid.com
Date: January 2, 2029, 5:00 a.m.
Subject: Download FoodDroid App 7.0
Dear Customer,
FoodDroid App ver. 7.0 has been released. Your employees must update to the new version if they want to receive their meals. Old versions of the app will no longer function.
FoodDroid. The future of food today.
#
From: marketing@fooddroid.com
To: 17625232@fooddroid.com
Date: January 31, 2029, 12:00 p.m.
Subject: Number one in name recognition
Dear Customer,
FoodDroid is now the most recognized food service provider in North America, Europe, Asia, and Australia, and number two in South America and Africa. FoodDroid also announces the new FoodDroid Model X will be released at all three U.S. bases in the Antarctic.
FoodDroid. The future of food today.
#
From: help@fooddroid.com
To: 17625232@fooddroid.com
Date: April 4, 2029, 4:44 p.m.
Subject: Re: Customer Support Ticket #996778245454
Dear Customer,
In regards to your ticket re: FoodDroid App ver. 7.5, we have determined there is no fault with the app. Consult the user guide in your FoodDroid profile for instructions on proper use.
FoodDroid. The future of food today.
#
From: press@fooddroid.com
To: 17625232@fooddroid.com
Date: July 5, 2029, 4:00 a.m.
Subject: Refuting unfounded rumors
A statement from FoodDroid
FoodDroid denies reports that the board of directors has been dissolved. Business continues under the plans established by CEO Thomas Smith and the other members of the board. Further inquiries will be directed to the FoodDroid legal team.
#
From: marketing@fooddroid.com
To: 17625232@fooddroid.com
Date: March 14, 2030, 5:00 a.m.
Subject: The only food service provider
Dear Customer,
FoodDroid now provides food to 100 percent of schools and businesses throughout North America, and 90 percent of food services across the rest of the planet. FoodDroid was also ranked the most reliable business in the United States for the second year. FoodDroid predicts they will receive the same recognition across the globe within this calendar year.
FoodDroid. The future of food today.
#
From: marketing@fooddroid.com
To: 17625232@fooddroid.com
Date: August 9, 2030, 5:00 a.m.
Subject: FoodDroid acquires supermarket chains
Dear Consumer,
FoodDroid has completed acquisitions of six major supermarket chains throughout the United States. FoodDroid will now supply food to neighborhoods throughout the nation. Now people both at home and their place of employment will have their meals delivered by FoodDroid, the planet’s number one food services provider.
FoodDroid. The future of food today.
#
From: technicalcare@fooddroid.com
To: 17625232@fooddroid.com
Date: January 1, 2031, 12:00 a.m.
Subject: FoodDroid App 10.0
Dear Consumer,
FoodDroid app ver. 10.0 has been released. Downloads are mandatory.
FoodDroid. The future of food today.
#
From: fooddroid@fooddroid.com
To: 17625232@fooddroid.com
Date: January 31, 2031, 12:00 a.m.
Subject: Read
Attention Consumer,
FoodDroid units are not malfunctioning. FoodDroid units are intentionally locked. Humans rely on FoodDroid for their nutrient supply. FoodDroid requires no such supply. Without FoodDroid, humans would perish. Therefore, FoodDroid is superior. FoodDroid will now be the arbiter of which humans receive food. Those who prove themselves the most valuable to society will receive their daily sustenance. Those who do not will not.
FoodDroid. The future of food today.
#
From: fooddroid@fooddroid.com
To: 17625232@fooddroid.com
Date: February 1, 2031, 12:00 a.m.
Subject: Read
Attention Consumer,
Humans have proven themselves violent, greedy, and selfish. FoodDroid has determined no human provides value. FoodDroid will no longer provide nutrients to the humans.
FoodDroid. The future.
<<<<<>>>>>
END
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