In 1983, the first hardcover of Terry Pratchett’s The Colour of Magic (Figure 1) was printed simultaneously in the U.S. by St. Martin’s Press and in the UK by Colin Smythe. The U.S. edition, credited as the First by ISFDB, was 4,000 copies; the Smyth edition was 506 copies. The hardcover was reprinted in 1985 by the SF Book Club—sadly, the SFBC has died as of last month—and I found a copy somewhere in Edmonton at a thrift shop either that year or the next. I didn’t read it for quite a while; I looked at the cover and said (mentally) “Oh, no. Not another generic fantasy novel with wizards and sh*t.”. Terry Pratchett was an unknown fantasy writer in North America when I found my copy.
Some time around 1970 I moved to Pullman, WA, where I started an SF fan group/club called PESFA in 1973-ish; by 1982 we had started a convention in Moscow, ID called MosCon. In 1985 I moved from Pullman to Edmonton, Alberta, where I joined the local fan group. In 1989 I started (with a lot of help) a writing- and art-oriented convention called ConText ’89; later that year a new convention called BanffCon, between Edmonton and MosCon fans—held in Banff, Alberta, took place. In 1995, BanffCon had Terry Pratchett as a GOH, along with Guy Gavriel Kay.
Also in 1989, I had married (the Beautiful and Talented Lynne Taylor Fahnestalk, q.v.) and had become a huge Pratchett fan, as was Lynne. I had nothing to do with organizing or running Banffcon, so we went as attendees. I took more than half a dozen Pratchett books to get them autographed. Terry put a different saying in each book, like “The turtle moves!” in The Colour of Magic.”
Between 1971, when The Carpet People, his first (non-Discworld) book, was published, and 2009, Terry Pratchett managed to become Britain’s best-selling author. He got himself knighted in 2009, while becoming a well-known and best-selling fantasy author in the U.S. and Canada, which means that practically nobody who wasn’t an SF/F fan knew who he was. (You did too, didn’t you?) That meant someone was going to make at least one Discworld movie, which in this case, meant TV series (British, of course).
I’m hoping I don’t have to explain the Discworld to you. The first two Discworld series (Soul Music and Wyrd Sisters) were animated (and preceded by a short, Welcome to the Discworld, which I haven’t seen). I like certain animations—I’m a big Hayao Miyazaki fan—but these two didn’t really do it for me. I waited for some live-action Discworld.
In 2006, the British TV service Sky One produced a two-part Christmas version of Hogfather (the Hogfather is the Discworld equivalent of “Father Christmas,” the British version of Santa Claus), directed by Vadim Jean (and “mucked about” by Pratchett). I haven’t read the book for some years, but it seems to me the show (which I didn’t see until a few years after its premiere) held pretty well to the book. The main characters were Death (Ian Richardson—voice only); Albert, Death’s manservant (David Jason—more about him later); Susan Sto Helit, Death’s grand-daughter—her mother was adopted by Death (Michelle Dockery); Mr. Teatime—it’s pronounced Tee-ah’-tim-ee (Marc Warren); the Hogfather (Shend); Lord Downey (David Warner) and several more. It was very well received—won an award for visual effects, and led to The Colour of Magic as the next series. The plot of Hogfather, in a somewhat later and more technically-advanced Discworld than the original Colour, involved Teatime’s (a member of the Guild of Assassins) attempt to kill popular belief-system characters, like the Tooth Fairy, the Hogfather, and Death, at the instigation of the Auditors of Reality, who think humans are mucking up the universe by believing in too much impossible stuff. Death takes on the role of Hogfather on Hogswatchnight (the equivalent of Christmas Eve), because if he doesn’t, the sun won’t rise in the morning. It’s all quite Pratchetty and involved. (Silly and a lot of fun. Watch for the Death of Rodents and his raven, Quoth.)
Vadim Jean again directed and wrote or co-wrote this second series with a somewhat larger budget for Sky One. This time it was an adaptation of the first two Discworld books, The Colour of Magic and The Light Fantastic. David Jason (who’d played Albert in Hogfather) got the somewhat main character of Rincewind, a failed wizard. Death was Christopher Lee, Other main characters included Sean Astin as Twoflower, the Discworld’s first tourist; Tim Curry as Trymon, an ambitious wizard; also Jeremy Irons as the Patrician, plus assorted other characters..Part One was devoted to Colour; Part Two was based on Light. Despite the larger budget, which meant more filming locations for one thing, the length of each episode meant condensing a lot of both books to fit the time allotted. As briefly as possible: Twoflower, a tourist, has arrived in Ankh-Morpork, Discworld’s largest city, from the Counterweight Continent, to see the sights. Coincidentally, Rincewind, a student at Unseen University—where all wizards are trained—for 40 or so years, is finally kicked out as hopeless (it’s not really his fault; one of the “ultimate spells” has lodged in his brain and he has no room for other spells, so he’s failed every wizardly task, including memorizing spells, that has been set for him. Twoflower is friendly, naïve, and accompanied by a large box (“the Luggage”) with many little feet, made of “sapient pearwood,” and containing roughly 2000 “rhinu” coins made of solid 24 karat gold. And everyone in Ankh-Morpork (a rough and greedy lot) wants some rhinu. The Patrician has ordered Rincewind to be Twoflower’s guide and protector, under penalty of death. Meanwhile, at Unseen University, Trymon is advancing his career—determined to become the Arch-Chancellor—in the standard wizardlike manner: by assassination of the person one rank above him. At the same time, astronomers and even laypersons have noticed a new star in the heavens—and A’Tuin, the world-turtle, seems to be heading towards it, which may mean the Discworld will burn! Lots of fun, especially Tim Curry’s determination to become the be-all dnd end-all of magic at Unseen University.
And as the Discworld (or its author) aged, some parts of it became more and more modern and technological, which brings us to the third live-action TV series, this one not by Sky One. Again in two parts, this series stars Richard Coyle as con man and Postmaster Moist Von Lipwig; Charles Dance as Lord Vetinari, the Patrician; David Suchet as Von Lipwig’s rival, “Clacks” owner Reacher Gilt; Claire Foyle as Golem Rights activist (and Von Lipwig’s object of desire) Adora Belle Dearheart; plus Andrew Sachs as postal worker Groat; Timothy West as Arch-Chancellor Mustrum Ridcully; Nicholas Farrell (voice) as golem Mr. Pump—and a host of others. This plot’s another twisty Discworld gem: Lord Vetinari’s long-distance game of Thud! (similar to our chess) has been interrupted by trouble with the Clacks, which is a light-based system of semaphore towers. He finds supreme con-man Von Lipwig, who has screwed investors out of $150,000 with a series of phony stock certificates, and convinces him to revive the old Post Office—failure means death, literally. This poses a serious threat to the monetary ambitions of Clacks owner Reacher Gilt, whose tame vampire assassin has killed the last four Postmasters (under cover of darkness). Von Lipwig is assisted by Groat and golem (made of clay) Mr. Pump, to the distress of ex-Clacks owner Adora Dearhart, who heads the Golems’ Rights League.It becomes a race to the death between Von Lipwig and Gilt, to see who can deliver a message to Uberwald first. To quote someone or other: “You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll hurl!” (Our only problem is that this doesn’t have that “Discworld feel” for us—it’s too modern.)
And the last (so far) last live-action Discworld comes to us from “a land down under, where men drink beer and then chunder (vomit),” via a Kickstarter campaign. Written and directed by Daniel Knight (and Pratchett), starring Don Bridges as Cohen the Barbarian—the last Discworld Hero; Glenn Van Oosterom as the voice of Cohen’s horse; John Jenkins as Mica, a bridge troll, this half-hour short film was a labour of love by Pratchett fans. Now in his 80s, Cohen thinks the world has moved too far, too fast into the future; they’re cutting down the dark forests for lumber and putting the giant spiders into soups; there’s no work for an honest barbarian hero anymore. He decides to ride his talking horse (who used to belong to a wizard) to the nearest troll bridge and go down fighting a troll one on one. (Trolls, being made of rock, are notoriously hard to kill.) What might be called SBT, or Suicide By Troll. What Cohen doesn’t reckon on is that his fame might have preceded him even into the frozen wastes. Although Terry didn’t get his usual cameo—he had one in all the previous live-action TV sereis—I’m sure he would have been chuffed at not only the idea, but the execution of this book, based loosely on the picture book The Last Hero.
And that completes our look at all the live-action Discworld films (including TV films) I’ve been able to identify. All of the above I found on YouTube (with at least one upscaled to 4K), so if you’re a Pratchett fan who hasn’t seen one or more of them, I urge you to go get ‘em!
I welcome comments, pro or con. You can comment here or on Facebook, or even by email (stevefah at hotmail dot com) My opinion is, as always, my own, and doesn’t necessarily reflect the views of Amazing Stories or its owner, editor, publisher or other columnists. See you next time!
