Markus Heitz: Wearing always black and silver rings as an Old-School-Goth (because, well, right, he is old), ironic and sarcastic and always working on the next project. The Manic-creative type. Full-time story inventor, studied history, occasional songwriter, radio play crafter – and born in 1971. Wrote more than 70 books, about half of them bestsellers in Germany (looking at you, England, but no pressure). Mainly fantasy, horror and science fiction. Oh, and bought an old P&P RPG years ago to bring it back to life (working on it)! He has even written children’s books and political short stories. And as Maxim Voland, he writes thrillers (no dwarves, no vampires, only death and bullets). Crazy. But he’s rubbish at maths and handicrafts. You don’t have to be able to do everything. Hell, yeah!
Q: If you were to write a fantasy-themed cookbook, what kind of recipes would you include?
M: Easy ones. No time for stress in the kitchen. And real recipes, that everyone can do at home.
Like this, a real German recipe from the year 1902 for lemonade, original citation from the cookbook:
“Lemonade is one of the most pleasant drinks in summer; it refreshes people like no other beverage. It is prepared by adding the juice of a lemon into ½ litre of cold water and adding sugar and white wine, as much as you wish.“ Here we go, summer of 2024! You’re welcome and enjoy! 😀
Q: If you had to survive in a fantasy world with only the contents of your fridge, what would be your game plan?
M: This reminds me that I urgently need to go shopping… Otherwise I’d be screwed pretty quickly. But, wait! I have different types of cheeses in it. Well, I would use them to make a crust, so I have Cheesus Crust by my side! BAM!
With my holy Cheesus, I can handle everything in this fantasy world, and I cross fingers… well, uh, no crossing… I consider Cheesus a healer of the infinite level, creating meals, healing wounds, raise the dead and distributing his blood and flesh among the … Wait again. Sounds a little bit like a… lawful evil character.
On the other hand, it’s Cheeses Crust, not the other one, so it’s fine for me. It’s my pal, even he’s a necromancer-healer. Tadaaa!
Q: If you were to write a book about a group of superheroes with completely useless powers, what would their powers be?
M: I would call them “THE USELYSSES“ (wordplay in a foreign language is very hard, but I try), but in fact, sooner or later, you can use any superpower, no matter how absurd. It always depends on the situation and the occasion. Believe it or not.
So, suppose someone called … Cheesus Crust could turn water into wine – he could kill any living creature with water in its body. Apart from that, the skill is already good. It would be even better if he could turn water into mulled wine. Or sangria. Or any drink. Well, okay, that’s not a useless superpower, I need another example.
Someone could remove … lint from a belly button with a flick of the finger. Sounds funny, but what if he opened a shop offering exactly this service? And if he does something with the lint afterwards, like … I don’t know. Alternative energy generation? Art? Or sell it to people without lint? And lo and behold, he became a very, very rich person. And there you go!
So let’s be clear: there are never any useless superpowers.
Q: If you had to choose between being a mermaid or a dragon, which would you pick and why?
M: Hard question. Well, let’s check the facts.
Mermaid (not Marmite) – lives in the sea, can’t walk, little bit fishy, always drama or must sing like in a musical, not very impressive, can be eaten by many fishes, must obey a guy like Aquaman. Not so awesome.
Dragon – problem: Which kind of dragon? Winged? How many heads? Do I breathe fire, water, ice, wind or something else? Well, I’ll define myself: I’d be a very cool dragon. So, I can fly, breathe fire, have lots of treasure and money, am very powerful, but hold on: everybody wants to kill me, because of the treasure and money! Ding dong, next adventurers are at the door. Sounds like a very stressful life.
Ha! The solution is: a pocket dragon!
I choose to be a very tiny, fairy-like dragon, invisible, and can do all the dragon-things I mentioned above. In my small, but classy, castle. Somewhere over the rainbow. There’s no place like home.
Q: If you had to live on a spaceship with one fictional character for the rest of your life, who would it be and why?
M: Mystique from X-Men.
First, Mystique is a shapeshifter. So, it never gets boring, cause she can mimic the appearance and voice of any person.
Second, she’s a supervillain and an antiheroine. I like this very, very much! We can found our own Villainvania and be the menace of the whole universe, muhahaharrharr! Step aside, Darth, out of my way… well, what was his name? Thanos? Anyway. But of course we also fight for the oppressed mutants and other beings. Sympathy points and all that. So important.
Third, she has been stated to be over 100 years old and has lived under the name “Sherlock Holmes”. She can tell many tales, I write them down as “The truth about Holmes“, wham, bestseller. Am I clever or what? Muhahaharrharrharr!
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RETURN OF THE DWARVES 1 is the first in a duology that acts as a sequel to the five original DWARVES novels, and also stands along as its own small series.
Hundreds of cycles have passed in Girdlegard since Tungdil Goldhand vanished. The dwarf Goïmron working in the city of Mallenias Watch, is particularly fascinated by the old, great times of the five dwarf tribes, and so spends his spare time searching the markets for records and artefacts for clues about their proud history. Goïmron comes across an extraordinary book that the book must have been written by the heroic Tungdil Goldhand himself. But, impossibly, the last entry seems to be recent…
Markus Heitz studied history and German language and literature before writing his debut novel, Schatten über Ulldart (Shadows over Ulldart, the first in a series of epic fantasy novels), which won the Deutscher Phantastik Preis (Germany’s premier literary award for fantasy) in 2003. Since then his Number One bestselling Dwarves and Aelfar series have earned him a place among Germany’s most successful fantasy authors. He currently lives in Saarland, in Germany.
Markus Heitz can be found on his website…and probably in a dwarven cave somewhere as well.
