Figure 1 – Linnea Quigley’s Horror Workout VHS cover

Happy New Year to you all, even those who don’t celebrate the new year on Jan. 1 (you know who you are). I’m starting 2020 off with Column 274, which will mark the beginning of my seventh year writing this column for Amazing Stories© online. (And don’t forget to check out my film column in the print version as well!)

So here we are starting off 2020 with number 274; I hope you will still find something interesting in my ramblings and reviews. Last year, I succeeded in making the week’s top columns most weeks, despite my column appearing on Friday and the list coming out on Sunday… and I only wrote 29 columns last year. I also had four columns appear in the “50 Most Popular of 2019” list that Steve Davidson put out. I hope this trend continues. I’ve given up rating things with stars or flibbets. I’ll just tell you if I liked it, and/or thought it was worth watching, or reading, or whatever. And why. So before we get into Linnea Quigley’s workout, let’s see what I published in 2019 in the online Amazing.

#245 (Jan. 4): A list of all 2018 columns, with links to each column. Kinda like this one!
#246 (Jan. 11): press (Cyril M. Kornbluth megapack) review.
#247 (Jan. 18): spoiler review of the Aquaman movie with Jason Momoa.
#248 (Jan. 25): A list of all 1957 genre movies (that I could find) with a line or two about most of them.
#249 (Feb. 8): All about the terrific SF/F writer Henry Kuttner, who also wrote as Lewis Padgett.
#250 (Feb. 15): A repeat/slight rewrite of my MidAmeriCon review (1976).
#251 (Mar. 1): A review of the Jan-Feb F&SF.
#252 (Mar. 8): Goodbye to fan and friend David Wilson, and a review of the new animated The Grinch (movie).
#253 (Mar. 22): A review of classic film based on H. Rider Haggard’s King Solomon’s Mines (1937).
#254 (Apr. 12): Farewell to Vonda McIntyre, and some of my favourite current TV shows.
#255 (Apr. 26): My review of Norwescon 42 in Seattle.
#256 (May 10): Is Mars colonizable? Do we even want to try?
#257 (May 24): reviews of movies Extinction and Brightburn
#258 (June 28): A review of the May-June 2019 F&SF and the new MosCon revival
#259 (July 12): A look back at MosCon and a partial review of the revived convention!
#260 (July 19): A fuller review of the new MosCon 40.
#261 (Aug. 9): Review of Leigh Brackett’s Mars stories, including Eric John Stark.
#262 (Aug. 16): Reviews of new TV shows: The Boys and Pennyworth. (Good-to-great shows, both.)
#263 (Aug. 30): A look back at my 17th column five years ago, about VCON.
#264 (Sept. 6): A review of Shrek: The Musical, and information on Wm. Gibson’s Alien 3 script, now in print.
#265 (Sept. 13): A spoiler-ful review of the 1990 IT!
#266 (Sept. 27): 1st part of a review of book 1 of A Treasury of Great Science Fiction
#267 (Oct. 11): A rewrite of my 85th column, about superspy Derek Flint (James Coburn)
#268 (Oct. 18): Final part review of the first volume of a great SF anthology, A Treasury of Great Science Fiction
#269 (Oct. 25): A review of F&SF’s 70th anniversary all-star issue!
#270 (Nov. 1): A partial rewrite of my fifth column about Robert A. Heinlein’s birthplace (Butler, Missouri).
#271 (Nov. 15): A review of the new series based on King’s/Romero’s Creepshow movies.
#272 (Dec. 7): A review of Matt Hughes’ “chef d’oeuvre” What the Wind Brings.
#273 (Dec. 20): Review of Lisa Mason’s Chrome, and Nov./Dec. F&SF.
So if you missed anything, here’s your chance to catch up; finding a specific name or column online isn’t that intuitive. Hope this helps.

Moving right along; I was just browsing the interwebz, as I do, looking for something interesting, when I came upon a film title I just had to look at: it was called Nudist Colony of the Dead. Aha! Methought the zombie craze was still zooming along, so I pulled it up and immediately was taken to a courtroom scene, where the God-fearing residents of some community were suing to get a local nudist camp closed down. Lo and behold, the judge was none other than the late Forrest J Ackerman, the Ackermonster, and Original Editor of the late lamented Famous Monsters of Filmland. (Interestingly enough, the FM name and logo are now copyrighted by someone named Philip Kim.) I watched a couple of minutes, but it had been shot on Super-8 film and the quality… oh, dear, the quality—of both film and writing/acting—was lacking, even though it was being played for laughs. So I turned it off even before zombies came into the picture, and went looking for something else.

Figure 1 shows what I found… it was obviously a spoof, but I knew the name Linnea Quigley, because I’m a B-movie horror buff (and C-movie and D-movie); she was often called the “scream queen,” because one of her talents was screaming in low-rent horror movies, like Creepozoids, Nightmare Sisters, and Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama) as well as Night of the Demons and Witchboard. I had previously noticed her in Return of the Living Dead, because she danced totally nude on top of a tomb; and because I’m a film buff and detail-oriented, I remembered that scene. (The movie was good, too.) She was often topless in these B-, C-, and D-movies, by the way.

Well, in her Horror Movie Workout, she shows many of the aforementioned scenes, as well as an extended naked shower scene… I suppose to get the watcher in the mood for some workout. It’s all rather risible, really; not your standard workout… but she is rather attractive nonetheless. I checked for you, because I’m always ready to help my loyal readers, but apparently the movie is not currently available on DVD, though there are any number of VHS movies with her in them available on eBay. You can check her Horror Movie Workout Facebook page for more information. I don’t recommed this for an actual workout, esp. the chainsaw part.

I love comments on my column. Comment here, or on Facebook, or whatever (I won’t see it if it’s on Twitter). All your comments are welcome! (Just keep it polite, okay?) My opinion is, as always, my own, and doesn’t necessarily reflect the views of Amazing Stories or its owner, editor, publisher or other columnists. See you next time!

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