Unexpected Questions with John M. Olsen

If you could have any magical power, but it came with a ridiculous side effect, what would the power be and what would the side effect be?

It would be really cool to have the ability to be invisible. The problem is that my scientific brain analyzes where all those photons go, and none of them get to my eyes. That means whenever I go invisible, I also go blind. Yeah, that’s more a hard science superpower than a magical power. You caught me.

If you were to write a fantasy-themed cookbook, what kind of recipes would you include?

There would actually have to be two different books. One for the BBQ crowd who will be out to find recipes for unicorn steaks and kraken gumbo. The other would be for synesthesia-based desserts where you can hear the flavors and see the smells.

If you could travel to any alternate universe where a different version of yourself exists, what do you think your other self would be like?

My friends sometimes think of me as the a mad scientist already, so it’s not much of a stretch to come across an alternate universe where I invented the ultimate power source, able to advance science into a new space age. That would give me enough money to build a house out of gold bricks. Only a handful of authors are ever that rich, and I’m not one of them yet.

If you were to write a story featuring yourself as the main character, what kind of adventure would you embark on?

Ah, the Mary Sue adventure. I’m torn on this one. Do I go with an adventure tied to creation or discovery? I could fake it and do both like that one Star Trek movie everyone hated, but I’m going to have to go with an adventure where I learn to create new things never before seen by humankind. Then the problem is that any good story has to have failures and setbacks. I should tell you some time about the slingshot incident, or the angle grinder incident, or maybe the lathe incident. I already have plenty of fodder tied to creating stuff, and the spectacular failures that sometimes result. I make birthday presents for some of my friends in my shop full of dangerous power tools. Sometimes they get a prototype with mixed results, and sometimes I measure the projects by the number of bandages involved. Still, I persist. I’m drawn to creating things, I create my writing, and within the writing I create things. And yes, there are plenty of disasters.

If aliens were to visit Earth, what do you think their first impression of humans would be?

“Okay, joke time is over. Take me to your leader for real this time.”

If you could alter any one single natural law, what would it be and how would you change it?

The first law of thermodynamics says energy cannot be created or destroyed. Lots of stories hinge around what seems to be free energy, or power from nowhere. Zero Point Energy. White Holes. So many tropes you could choke on them. Ever seen a show where the spaceships never have to stop for fuel? How about a tiny shuttle that has enough lift to go to orbit? Now, the problem is that all that energy would probably be coming from the alternate universe where rich-me lives in his gold brick house, and it would all be my fault that some other dimension was slurping power away to make their space ships go.

If you could transport yourself to any fictional universe you’ve seen in a television show or movie, which universe would you go to?

Are you kidding me? Any fictional universe worth reading about is a disaster waiting to happen, and in most of them, the disaster is already underway. Serenity? No thanks. Middle Earth? You remember the spiders and orcs, right? Buffy the Vampire Slayer? I’d rather not bump into demons and vampires on a daily basis. Aliens? No. Just no.