The news tells us about the activities of ICE, Immigration and Customs Enforcement. Fandom tells us about the activities of SCA, Society for Creative Anachronism. What happens when ICE meets SCA? Ah, fireworks…
WABI 5 BANGOR: PARTY WITH KNIGHTS AND LADIES IN BELFAST!
Maine’s own chapter of the Society for Creative Anachronism is holding a tourney on the Belfast waterfront next weekend. There will be knights and sword fighting, horses and jousting, and noble ladies handing out the prizes. Something for everyone! There will even be sword-fighting lessons for the youngsters.
The Society, often referred to as just SCA, is divided into kingdoms, baronies, and realms. Its members delight in dressing up in ancient armor and practicing the skills of medieval war. In Maine, the Realm of Lygonia is headed by Baron Geoffrey de Tourneville (who is in real life a dentist in Waldoboro). He insists that no one joins the SCA to learn to fight actual battles. “It’s all play-acting, good fun. We aren’t nearly as serious about all this as the guys who want to reenact the Civil War or the American Revolution. They actually play with guns and cannons!”
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THE REALM OF LYGONIA
Baron de Tourneville announces the
Annual Competition for
First Spear and First Blade!
Defeat the Black Prince to become the new
Defender of the Realm!
Win a prize for Best Death!
Presided over by Guest of Honor
The Saracen Princess!
Tickets and registration in the Rainbow Welcome tent
at Steamboat Landing, Belfast, Maine.
Kids under 10 free.
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CNN CLIP: ICE RAID ON COSTUME PARTY FAILS
CNN reporter Alice Peltang: “This afternoon, ICE agents attempted to raid a gathering of the Society for Creative Anachronism in Belfast, Maine. It did not go well.”
Video pan: A dozen men dressed in what appears to be chain mail, with long swords hanging from their waists. Several women dressed in flowing robes and conical hats with gauzy veils fluttering in the breeze. Some of the men and women were white. Others clearly were not. In the background was an expanse of water with numerous sailboats and small motor yachts. To one side stood a trash barrel, a broom, and a shovel. Beyond that was a row of tents, souvenir stands, and food trucks, already surrounded by customers in summer shorts and tees. One tee bore the bright red legend, “Camelot Forever!”
Peltang: “We are speaking with Department of Homeland Security spokesman Albert Spengler. Mr. Spengler, Why did you even want to raid this event?”
Department of Homeland Security spokesman Albert Spengler: “It is our divine mission to Make America Great Again. We will not tolerate these scum.”
Peltang: “Did your agents have a warrant? Was there probable cause?”
Department of Homeland Security spokesman Albert Spengler: “We don’t need warrants. Or probable cause.”
Peltang: “You just have to think they look suspicious.”
Spengler: “Exactly. But there was probable cause.” He shakes a flyer in front of the camera. “Look at this. They actually advertised their treason! A Black prince! A Saracen! They’re all muslim terrorists. You know that!”
Peltang: “So they are in custody now?”
Spengler: “No!”
Peltang: “Where are they then?”
Spengler: “We have no idea. Maybe somewhere in the Maine woods.”
Peltang: “It sounds like your raid did not go well.”
Spengler: “Who knew those swords weren’t plastic!”
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NBC EYEWITNESS NEWS: ICE FIASCO GOES VIRAL
Cell phone videos of ICE’s disastrous raid on the Society for Creative Anachronism on the Belfast, Maine, waterfront are everywhere. According to eyewitnesses, the raid began when four unmarked black SUVs blocked the entrance to the Steamboat Landing park. A fifth SUV drove through and destroyed the rainbow-striped Welcome tent.
Cell phone video clip: A black SUV dragging billows of striped fabric. Behind it was strewn a jumble of broken chairs, tables, and computers. Stacks of program booklets were scattered on the grass. Three women in colorful ankle-length dresses trimmed with lace were screaming and shaking their fists in the air.
We are withholding real names of eyewitnesses to protect their anonymity. According to SCA tourney attendee ‘Kate,’ “That’s when the ICE agents jumped out of the cars. They were wearing masks and carrying zip ties and tasers. They had guns on their belts too.”
‘Frank,’ another attendee, added, “They yelled that everyone should lie down on the ground and shut up.”
‘Pete,’ a local police officer, added, “But the SCA folks weren’t having any. The Black Knight drew his sword and yelled, ‘Resist these varlets!’”
Cell phone video clip: The Black Knight, wearing black armor, holding a long sword in the air. Behind him stood fifteen men-at-arms, wearing chain mail and carrying shields, holding swords up too. As if on command, they all clanged their swords on the tops of the shields. Behind them were a dozen archers holding longbows, arrows nocked and drawn. Beside them, three pre-teens were pumping their fists in the air and yelling, “Awesome!”
According to ‘Kate,’ “That’s when they used their tasers. But they don’t work if you’re wearing armor.”
Cell phone video clip: The three pre-teens on the ground, screaming. The Black Knight and the men-at-arms were stepping forward, their swords poised to commit mayhem.
Attendee ‘Frank’ laughed. “They didn’t like that at all.”
‘Kate said, “That’s when they drew their guns.”
‘Donnie’ left his taco truck to tell us, “That didn’t work. Those men-at-arms just stepped aside. And…”
Cell phone video clip: The men-at-arms forming an open aisle as a file of mounted knights, clad in armor and armed with lances, round a large tent.
Officer ‘Pete’ shook his head and added, “That did it. ICE ran for their cars. But not before three of those guys on horses put their spears through the radiators. Those cars didn’t get far.”
When Eyewitness News called the Customs and Border Protection office in Portland for comment, a spokeswoman said, “We will be back. We are already preparing subpoenas for the membership rolls of all Society for Creative Anachronism terrorist cells in this country. They cannot hide behind fake identities like Black Prince.”
When asked if ICE would also target Civil War and American Revolution reenactors, the spokeswoman had no comment.
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