Jerrod is an author of dark humor, horror, and science fiction living in Midwestern United States.
Disability from Conversion Disorder has hindered progress and much of his work is out of print, but he is currently working on re-releases starting with his first novel, The Oak Clan, about vampire trees.
In the mid-2000s, he co-owned a publishing house called Skullvines Press along with S.D. Hintz, working with such great authors as Wrath James White, Cullen Bunn, and Joe Lansdale.
He also spent some time co-hosting an internet radio show, interviewing various authors and rock musicians. A fun fact is in 2007, he wrote an essay about his then-wife that inspired Joss Wheden to include her in a comic book issue of Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 8.
If you could have any magical power, but it came with a ridiculous side effect, what would the power be and what would the side effect be?
I would have the power of flight, where I sit on the floor and rise, then zoom around like I’m driving a car. The lift and propulsion would be assisted by loud farts, making stealth impossible.
If you were stranded on a deserted planet with only one book to read, but it turned out to be one of your own, how would you feel?
Oh no, I would not feel comfortable about it at all. I think my anxiety would go through the roof. I could try to ignore it, but at some point, I would pick it up and start reading. My brain would keep me from enjoying it because I might think, “This part could be worded differently” or “How could I miss this mistake?” I would eventually get the intense urge to edit something despite the lack of tools at my disposal. Madness would soon set in, and I hate to think of how my rescuers found me.
If you could swap lives with any of the mythical creatures from your books for a day, which one would you choose and why?
This would be one of my Oak Clan creatures. They are vampire trees that are dead oak trees during the day and take human form to hunt at night. I love the idea of planting myself in a forest and resting all day. I’m unsure about hunting later, though. Maybe the creature could take the night off from feeding and chill by a river.
If you had to choose between being a time traveler or a space explorer, which would you pick and why?
I would most likely choose time traveler because space, while beautiful, is so… spacious. Most of the trips would involve listening to that little voice in my mind whining, “Are we there yet?”
As a time traveler, I would likely visit quiet places like cafes and soak in the atmosphere.
If you had to choose between having the ability to speak with animals or plants, which would you choose and why?
I would choose animals, for sure, though I might stay inside a lot more. I can imagine sitting on the back deck only to hear birds and squirrels yell, “Fill the feeder! Hey!” Despite that, it would be interesting to listen to their interactions. Dogs and cats would be great to converse with. A stray dog might stroll by, so I ask, “How was your day?” and he responds with, “Oh, just sniffing dead things and licking my crotch.”
Plants, however, would be a nightmare. I couldn’t step on grass without hearing their cries and moans, “Get off me, no!” Imagine walking through the produce section of a grocery store and hearing a chorus of: “Why? Whyyyy!”
If you were secretly an alien visitor to the Earth, why are you here?
I would be the Jane Goodall type, peacefully studying human behavior to better educate my people and convince them not to wipe us out. Yes, humans do a lot of bad things to their environment and each other. There is still a lot of good in them, however, and they need time to sort themselves out. Hopefully, I am not wrong in my activism. To gently help, I post silliness on Facebook to keep the positive energy flowing. Will it save humanity? Time will tell.
How have you used the phrase “I’m a writer” to avoid an unpleasant situation? What was it?
Oh! This reminds me of something odd that happened in the early 2000s. I worked at a Fairfield Inn as a night auditor, and I was interviewed by the local newspaper about my writing. At one point, I said if I have a bad day at work, I can go home and kill people to ease the stress. They used the quote as the article’s headline.
Later when I went to work, I was told the general manager was quite upset about this. Unbeknownst to me, the guy I replaced had been arrested. He killed someone, chopped them up, and distributed parts in dumpsters throughout town. Then I was hired and started talking about going home and killing people.
I made a point to assure the boss that I am a writer and I do those things in my fiction, not real life. I am unsure how much it helped.
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Be sure to check out the film novelization Jerrod wrote for the animated sci-fi horror To Your Last Death, starring the voice talents of William Shatner, Morena Baccarin, Bill Moseley, and Ray Wise. The film can be watched on various streaming platforms, some for free, and Jerrod’s book can be found on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Your-Last-Death-Jerrod-Balzer-ebook/dp/B084ZJZLT2
Jerrod’s Facebook is here: https://www.facebook.com/jerrodbalzer
Trailer for the film and book: https://youtu.be/3EqcRyAZsL4?si=MSMWcskJcYOXzlNM
