Prepare yourselves for the ULTIMATE in CONventions!
CONtinuous!
CONtinuous is so FRAKKING massive it makes ComicCon look like your grandma’s KNITTING circle! It’s so big that no COUNTRY in the entire world has a single convention center that can HOLD it all! We’re holding CONtinuous in TEXAS with overflow in NEW MEXICO! And that’s just the DEALERS ROOM. Plan on attending another Con? You CAN’T! We’ve booked ALL other cons throughout the world and they’re merely subsets of our AMAZING event!
You want BREAKOUT rooms for panels? Our SEVEN-day writer’s panel will be in JOHN SCALZI’S CHURCH and parking will be available in the counties surrounding BRANFORD, OHIO! Our month-long panel on CANADIAN science fiction is being held in JOHN SAWYER’S APARTMENT BUILDING and in two neighboring PROVINCES. The FABLED underground complex beneath ROBERT HEINLEIN’S home in BONNY DOON has been opened up for discussions of MILITARY SF, LIBERTARIAN SF, LINE MARRIAGES, and a MONTH-long lecture from the master himself on what he meant in all his books. A three-week panel on modern fantasy is being hosted over at NEIL GAIMAN’S ESTATE! Liu Cixin and the CCP are building a stadium the size of the island of Hong Kong to host a ten-YEAR presentation on Chinese science fiction and fantasy that you won’t want to miss. Actually, you won’t be ALLOWED to miss it!
Do you like EXCITING guests? We’ve got ALL of them. LITERALLY ALL OF THEM thanks to our MIND-BENDINGLY new time travel technology, the FEGHOOT, created by Physicist Ron Mallett and PERSONALLY manned by DAVID TENNANT! It will be independently powered by COLD FUSION and propelled via the DEAN DRIVE throughout time and space!
Do you enjoy COSPLAY? We’ve got the BEST cosplay events. When you arrive you’ll IMMEDIATELY join the costume parade! No costume? NO PROBLEM! You’ll be assigned and dressed as a POPULAR character by our team of costumers. (They’re also kids from our onsite daycare and we keep them hopped up on PIXIE STICKS, koolaide, JAMMERS, and supplied with endless reams of construction paper and glue sticks! Expect to appear as Paw Patrol, PEPPA PIG, Bluey, SPIDEY, and other amazing characters!)
Are you tired of the TEDIOUS drama with the HUGO and other awards? Can’t tolerate waiting through another ENDLESS parade of amazingly talented people droning on and humble-bragging about themselves? Is your favorite author, actor, book, show, film, etc being CRIMINALLY OVERLOOKED? Then you will LOVE our awards! We have over SEVEN HUNDRED award categories covering every possible classification. These will all be awarded in a fifteen MINUTE presentation where our AWARD CANNON will launch our GOLDEN ORB OF POPULARITY at each winner in the hall. If they’re not in attendance, our orbital AWARD CANNON SATELITE will drop their GOLD ORB OF POPULARITY directly at them, wherever they are, anywhere in the world. No one selected can evade the GOLDEN ORB OF POPULARITY! The most important survivor of the awards will be designated GRAND OLD DODGER and will receive HUGO GERNSBACK himself and can boast to everyone that they took home not just a Hugo but THE HUGO.
Bring your appetites because we’re bringing back the BANQUETS! That’s right, do you miss being able to STUFF YOUR FACE along with your heroes?! You thought award banquets at conventions had been relegated to the dustbins of convention history? FORGET THAT NOISE – we’ve got THE BILLION YEAR TEA – an endlessly moving, all-you-can-eat, feast unknown heretofore. Conveyor belts will bring food and drink to EVERYONE throughout the entire event! We’ve got more than just tea, (although we do have ALL of the teas) there are MOBILE APPETIZERS, roast beasts, barbecued meats in sauces, and due to a failure in one of the cooling rooms, green eggs and ham for breakfast! By comparison, Odin’s Hall looks like the feeding trough at Oliver Twist’s orphanage! Our banquet is so huge we’re using the Barringer Crater for a Bar-B-Cue pit! The THOUSAND LAKES have been drained, coated in food-grade concrete, and repurposed to prepare SOUP FOR EVERYONE.
Don’t worry about SHUTTLE service within the convention and hotels. We’ve RESERVED all of the WAYMO, UBER, LYFT, and SOUTHWEST AIR rides and flights to move you around. If that’s not enough we have human-sized PNEUMATIC TUBES to launch you from one lecture to another. Drop your kids off at CHEYENNE MOUNTAIN COMPLEX DAYCARE and CRECHE.
Are you looking for FANDOM-FOCUSED events? We got you covered skippy! The entire BAJA PENINSULA has been walled off for the NEVERENDING FORRY – a series of events covering everything fandom. We’ll also be holding author MASS SIGNINGS here along with author MASS READINGS where the authors will sign and read all their works all at the SAME TIME.
