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“The Universe of Scotch and Häagen Dazs” by Jonathan Ross
When Dan Levy goes to get his snoring, pregnant wife a glass of water, he meets an alternate version of himself who has an offer this Dan might not be able to refuse.
In the middle of the night, Dan Levy is awakened by his snoring, very-pregnant wife who stirs to ask for a glass of water. As Dan returns from the kitchen, he’s met by a carbon copy of himself, fitted in a nice suit and offering an amazing opportunity. Suit Dan is from another universe in the multiverse, one in which he travels from universe to universe to sell different Dan Levys on swapping lives for a time. Selling options as far ranging as “the universe where you become a matador” to the “universe where you do a lot of weeding”, Suit Dan Levy convinces Dan to go for it. Dan insists he must leave right now. About to zap into another universe, Dan asks Suit Dan to journey to a universe where he’d be taller. Suit Dan explains that you can’t switch with a universe dependent on other people’s decisions (Tall Dans live in the universes where Mom breastfed them). At the same time, Dan hears his wife snoring again. He realizes that he can choose to be happy in his own universe, bids goodbye to Suit Dan with the promise to keep in touch, and goes back to sleep next to his pregnant wife.
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