Game Review: Goat Simulator

goat-simulatorAs a young boy, I grew up dreaming of one day being able to be a goat. And thanks to Coffee Stain Studios, I am one step closer. So like me, you might have thought the game mostly would entail eating grass, cans, maybe chewing through fences, prancing around with other goats, and baaing a lot. But the life of a goat is not quite so simple.

One of the first things I learned about being a goat was that ritual sacrifice can be used to grow demonic horns and summon a satanic countenance. And it only takes five whole people! Another thing, a goat’s tongue can stretch for upwards of one mile, and they can dislocate their neck bones to move their heads in hypnotic ways.

I wasn’t surprised, however, that goats like to do flips. Everyone likes to do flips, but so few of us are born with the necessary equipment.  Also, they love trampolines! They like to bounce up and down and don’t care one lick if they hit the edge and mangle their spines — as goats are actually made out of a type of putty. If you can’t already tell, this was a very educational experience.


Some say being a goat is immature. I think it’s a more honest life. If you’re not into farm animals, this probably isn’t for you. If you’re on the fence about it, jump over it. I did, as a goat, and got points!

The last important thing about playing Goat Simulator is to rack up as high a score as you can. To do this, you can do little tricks, big jumps, crash through things, lick strangers, and flying through the air after getting hit by a speeding car. You know, all things the typical goat does in the course of a day.

I do recommend Goat Simulator to anyone bored with the endless amount of people simulators. It’s a short game, but in the couple hours that I played it, I hadn’t had so much fun since Castle Crashers came out. I give this game four Buttermilks. And the Youtube videos that have resulted from it are already more important than 90 percent of this years nongoat game releases.

Goat Simulator can be found here.

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