Steve Bates has published more than a dozen science fiction and fantasy short stories. His first sci-fi novel, “Back to You,” was released in 2021, and his second, “Castle of Sand,” came out two years later. Before turning to fiction, he was a reporter and editor for newspapers, magazines, and websites, including 14 years at The Washington Post.
If you were to create a superhero that had a weakness for something totally unexpected, like pickles or bubble wrap, what would it be and why?
She or he would have a crippling fear of mimes. Especially those street mimes you see in some European tourist traps that pretend to be statues and, without warning, burst to life, startling and sometimes causing cardiac arrest in the unsuspecting visitor. This flaw might prevent the superhero from saving Earth, but it would be more realistic than, say, being vulnerable to kryptonite. There isn’t all that much kryptonite on this planet. And most of it is probably buried in Elon Musk’s basement.
If you could choose any real-life celebrity to make a cameo appearance in one of your books, who would it be and why?
Timothee Chalamet. He’s a stud, he’s the “it” guy in Hollywood right now, and he’s a chameleon. He can play anyone or anything. I’m not sure which role he’d take on. Maybe the tortured bad guy in “Castle of Sand.” And he’d have to buy the book to play the role.
If you could travel to any alternate universe where a different version of yourself exists, what do you think your other self would be like?
That version of me would have no trouble meeting deadlines. He wouldn’t have to down half a dozen Coke Zeroes just to write 10 pages. He wouldn’t average five hours of sleep a night. He wouldn’t scare off every literary agent on the planet with dense, impossible plots. And he wouldn’t have a crippling fear of mimes.
If you had to choose between having the ability to speak with animals or plants, which would you choose and why?
Plants, definitely. I’m a gardener, and I am often mystified why my plants don’t grow very well. I would like to know what their problems are and how I might rectify them. However, I recognize the downside of this ability. I might hear endless complaints about the weather and about squirrels and insects bothering them. And, of course, complaints about me eating them.
If you had to choose one of your books to be turned into a cheesy made-for-TV movie, which one would it be and who would you want to play the lead roles?
My first novel, “Back to You,” would be a natural. A guy from the future parks his time machine in an alley, having come back to secure what is universally regarded as the best pastrami sandwich ever sold. However, a clueless maintenance guy on his way to work finds the time machine and embarks on a series of adventures. Jim Carrey would be the perfect lead. Lady Gaga could play the love interest. She would know how to keep him in his place.
If you could have any sci-fi gadget in real life, what would it be and what practical uses would you have for it?
It would be a machine that could turn gold into aluminum foil. There are too many rich people and rich countries that hoard this precious metal in heavily garded underground vaults. It’s not doing them or anyone else any good. This device would even out some of the extreme economic disparities that plague the planet. And turning gold into aluminum foil would make it useful. Who doesn’t need some foil from time to time to wrap leftovers or contraband?
If aliens were to visit Earth, what do you think their first impression of humans would be?
Right now, not very good. They would likely be disappointed by the way we covet what our neighbors own. By the way we treat each other. And by the way our elected leaders of both parties behave. On the plus side, however, if we could somehow steer them to a frozen custard business, they might realize that we have something special going on here and might decide not to blow us up. Yet.
If you were secretly an alien visitor to the Earth, why are you here?
I’m here to collect bad movies. Plan Nine from Outer Space. They Saved Hitler’s Brain. Waterworld. All the dregs of moviedom. Only humans could create such disasters. I would feature these cinematic dogs in an interplanetary museum as extreme examples of what not to do in visual storytelling.
Which trope of science fiction (phasers, transporters, time machines, much more) would you like to see put into our own reality? And how would you use it in a mundane way?
I would like to have a universal transmuter. It is my personal dream to find a use for laundry lint. There’s a lot of it, and I am certain that this machine could change it into something useful. Like aluminum foil.
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Steve’s sci-fi novel, “Virtual,” is in production. Updates will be posted on his website, www.stevebateswriter.com, and on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100086517859435. “Virtual” features an Artificial Intelligence that intends to subjugate all of mankind. No human can stop it. Unless it’s a human like no other.
