Unexpected Questions with David Gerrold

David Gerrold is a constructed personality, a bit of performance art created by a grumpy old geezer who mostly just wants to be left alone. He writes books and stories and the occasional television script because it is his work therapy from the outpatient clinic. This is the only warning you’re going to get.  

If you were stranded on a deserted planet with only one book to read, but it turned out to be one of your own, how would you feel?

Impatient for the sequel.


If you could swap lives with any character from one of your books for a day, who would it be and what would you do?

Jim McCarthy from The War Against The Chtorr — so I could have sex with Lizard Tirelli. Or the other way around, that would be okay too.


If you were to write a story featuring yourself as the main character, what kind of adventure would you embark on?

I’d adopt a little boy who thinks he’s a Martian. Oh, wait —


If you were to write a parody of one of your own books, what would be the most ridiculous twist you could add to the plot?

The Tribble With Troubles. A self-aware neurotic fuzzy creature who doesn’t want to purr. The whole thing would be transcripts of his unhappy sessions with a Starfleet therapist. Very depressing.   

If you had to choose between being a time traveler or a space explorer, which would you pick and why?

A time traveler. As a writer, I plan revenge. As a time traveler, I could apply it.


If you had to choose one of your books to be turned into a cheesy made-for-TV movie, which one would it be and who would you want to play the lead roles?

The Martian Child starring Will Ferrell. (And then I’d change my name and move to Alaska.)


If aliens were to visit Earth, what do you think their first impression of humans would be?

Quarantine the entire quadrant.


If you could have dinner with any fictional character from any sci-fi book or movie, who would it be, what would you talk about, and where what restaurant would you choose?

Doctor Who (David Tennant), the Restaurant At The End Of Time. If he’s not available, then Captain Jack Harness.


What Pre-1960s SF television show or movie would you like to see get a big-budget remake, and why?

Them! But maybe not. As much as I love the original, I worry that CGI special effects will never capture the reality of using actual giant ants.


If you were secretly an alien visitor to the Earth, why are you here?

The Witless Protection Program.


How have you used the phrase “I’m a writer” to avoid an unpleasant situation? What was it?

Working for Gene Roddenberry. Then I had to explain “writer” to him. It took a lawsuit. (The man was loved by everybody who never worked with him.)


Books by David Gerrold include: The Man Who Folded Himself, The Martian Child, Hella, and at least fifty or sixty other novels and collections. Sometimes he sells autographed copies at conventions. Otherwise look him up on Amazon.




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