Unexpected Questions with Gary K. Wolf

Gary K. Wolf is an award winning mystery, science fiction and fantasy writer.  He created the concept of Toontown – humans co-existing with cartoon characters – and brought to life Toontown’s beloved inhabitants Roger Rabbit, Roger’s va-va-voom mate Jessica Rabbit, Baby Herman, Benny the Cab, and hard boiled private eye Eddie Valiant. He also coined the word Toon.

Wolf’s first Toontown novel Who Censored Roger Rabbit? became a visual reality in Disney/Spielberg’s blockbuster film Who Framed Roger Rabbit.  The film won four Academy Awards and the Hugo Award for Wolf.  The movie has thus far grossed more than one billion dollars at the box office.  

Who Framed Roger Rabbit launched a multiple-picture screen writing deal for Wolf with Walt Disney Pictures.  

In addition, Wolf’s writing and his ideas inspired Toontown, the themed land at Disneyland and Tokyo Disneyland.  

Walt Disney Pictures  purchased film rights to his second Toontown novel Who P-p-p-plugged Roger Rabbit?  

His third Toontown novel Who Wacked Roger Rabbit?  continues the saga of Roger Rabbit and Eddie Valiant and their fantastical adventures.

Wolf recently published a fourth Toontown novel, Jessica Rabbit: XERIOUS Business. This story focuses on Jessica Rabbit, her origins, how she met Roger, where Toons come from, and  how Toontown came to be.

He is currently working on another Roger Rabbit/Eddie Valiant novel, a science fiction novel, and a hard boiled private eye novel.

He has two big budget live action/animation movies in production.

Okay, gang.  That’s the big intro.  A ton of smoke, a few mirrors, and a bit of fluff.  Let’s move on to the main show.  Ready, drum roll, cue trumpets, and away we go!

 

Roger Rabbit Interviews Gary K. Wolf

Roger Rabbit:  (In a word balloon as flowery as a summer meadow.) I’m p-p-p-pleased to be here today interviewing a man who needs no introduction.  So I won’t give him one.  

Gary K. Wolf: (Shaking head in disbelief.)  Roger, I know in Toontown, I’m a legend.  Everybody knows my name. In the real world, not so much. An introduction might help the readers out there who don’t have a clue.

Roger Rabbit:  (Back peddling so fast he crashes through the wall.  Short delay while Roger re-enters the room, covered in plaster dust from the sheet rock and chocolate syrup from the ice cream parlor next door.  Roger removes flowers from vase.  Uses vase water to wash himself clean.) Sorry about that. Let’s start again. I’m speaking today with (consulting large sheaf of word balloons) author, screenwriter, Almighty Lord High Grand Poohbah and Exalted Potentate of Toontown, and all-around fine and sober fellow, Gary K. Wolf.  Did I leave anything out?

Gary K. Wolf: (Smiling broadly.) That about covers everything.

Roger Rabbit: (Grinning as only a rabbit can.)  Swell. I’m here to interview you for Amazing Stories.  Are you ready?

Gary K. Wolf: Shoot.

Roger Rabbit: (Disappointed and perplexed.) I can’t.  Wolf season doesn’t start for another six weeks.

Gary K. Wolf: (Exasperated thought bubble – Toons!) I mean start.

Roger Rabbit: Oh, okay.  (Consulting his sheaf.) First question. If you had to live on a spaceship with one fictional character for the rest of your life, who would it be and why?

Gary K. Wolf: (Shaking head in amazement.) You need to ask? That, my silly rabbit friend, should be obvious.  (Takes out billfold.  Extracts a small piece of paper the size of a postage stamp.  Unfolds the paper to reveal life-sized photo of Jessica Rabbit.)  

Roger Rabbit: (Eyes pop out of head with sproinging sound.  Roger uses both hands to pop eyeballs back into sockets.) That’s my missus.  You’re telling me to my furry face that you want to run off to outer space with my sweetums.  My honey-poo.  My kitchy cuddles.  My one and only? I’m one bummed bunny. I thought you were my friend, my buddy, my compadre.  

Gary K. Wolf: (Patting the rabbit soothingly between the ears.) Hey, don’t get your overalls in a twist.  We’re talking hypotheticals here.  No way would Jess trot off to Infinity and beyond with me when she has a big, strapping rabbit like you at home. (Winks ironically at the camera.)  Next question?

Roger Rabbit:  (Pulls out an oddball-shaped question balloon having the contemporary heft of an Ikea coffee table.) What are your pronouns?

Gary K. Wolf: I go with What, Who, and Huh.  (Rapidly losing patience, focus, and interest.) Are we  almost done?

Roger Rabbit:  (Consulting his timepiece, a large sundial strapped to his wrist.) No, Not hardly.  We’ve only begun to begin.  Or begin to began. (Drifting off into Never Never Land as Toons are wont to do. Starts singing, wildly off key.)  When we begin, to began, it brings back the sound of music so tender.  

Gary K. Wolf:  (Thought bubble.  What a maroon!) Next question?

Roger Rabbit: (Pulling forth an especially long and skinny word balloon.) If you had to choose between being a lamp post or a telephone pole, which would you pick and why?

Gary K. Wolf: Telephone pole.  You’re outside in the fresh air.  You’re tall, stately, strong, and (smirking suggestively) always woody.

Roger Rabbit: (Reddening from ear tips to toenails.) Was that a sex joke?  You can’t say that.  This is a family magazine.

Gary K. Wolf:  (Gesturing toward the front of the magazine.) Let’s let Kermit decide.

Roger Rabbit: (Greatly confused, as usual.) The frog?

 Gary K. Wolf: The editor.  Kermit Woodall. The guy from Amazing who’s paying you big bucks to ask these questions and me even bigger bucks to answer them. (Lovingly fondling a cashier’s check featuring a one followed by many zeroes.)

Roger Rabbit:  Oh, right.  (Face becomes bright and sunny as recognition dawns.) The inestimable Kermit Woodall.  Also an all-round fine and sober fellow.  

Kermit Woodall: (Lurking behind masthead copy on inside front cover.  In word balloon as dark and ominous as a thundercloud)  What was I thinking when I asked these two bozos to be in my magazine?

Roger Rabbit: (Scooping up the shattered pieces of his composure, pasting them together with Elmers glue, and soldiering on.) Let’s proceed, shall we?

Gary K. Wolf: By all means.  

Roger Rabbit:  (In a erudite balloon one full Cronkite in circumference.) If you had to choose between fighting 100 duck-sized robots or one robot-sized duck, which would you pick and why?

Gary K. Wolf: (With the incredulity that can only be mustered by an astonished wordsmith.) That’s ludicrous.  Who came up with these questions?  The head architect for the Theater of the Absurd?

Roger Rabbit: (Angry puffets of steam emerging from his ears.) I’ll have you know my questions were created by a juried team of professional question askers.  We had the lady down at the DMV, my third grade teacher Miss McGillicutty, the cop that grilled me for an hour when they mistakenly arrested me for murder, the guy in passport control, the second assistant quizmaster on Jeopardy.  Professional question askers one and all.  

Gary K. Wolf: (Spreading his hands.  Giving up.  More than ready to take his money and run.) Okay.  Let’s wrap this up.  I’ll give you one more question.  Make this one good.

Roger Rabbit: (Flipping so rapidly through his sheaf of word balloons that the writing on them blends together and starts to move like an alphabetic marching band.  Finally picking one.) If you were stranded on a deserted planet with only one book to read, but that book turned out to be one of your own, how would you feel?

Gary K. Wolf: (Wry chuckle.) Are you kidding me?  What makes you think I read anybody else’s books?  If I need a book to read, I write a book.  Then I read that book.  Life is simple.  Life is good. I really liked that question.  I’ll give you one more.

Roger Rabbit:  (Elevating slightly off the floor and tapping his hands together gleefully.) Oh, goody.  Okay.  How about this? If you were to write a cookbook, what recipes would you include?

Gary K. Wolf: (Licking his lips and drooling slightly.) All my favorites.  Southern fried coney, Flopsy stew, slow roasted Mopsy, cottontail curry, lagomorph cacciatore, Bugs with garlic sauce, lapin hotpot, swamp hare tacos.  Oh, and stewed rabbit.  I’m fatally attracted to that one.  (Spreading hands open at shoulder level.)  I’m all talked out.  Can we do the outro?

Roger Rabbit:  Of course.  (In a word balloon glowing as brightly as the marquee outside a Broadway theater.) I’ve been talking today with Gary K. Wolf.  In the unlikely event you want to know more about him, or want to buy his books, which are, in the totally unbiased opinion of his autobiographer, magnificently towering works of brilliant genius, check out his website, www.garywolf.com.  Oh, and here’s a picture of him out for a drive with my hunny bunny in the car she bought him with her royalties from our movie.  Lucky guy!!!

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