Unexpected Questions with D.L. Gardner

D.L. Gardner is an award-winning artist, author, and screenwriter who spends a lot of time in a fantasy world, writing, painting, and creating artistic what-nots to post.

She’s dabbled in film-making with local indie filmmakers and has created a few short adaptions of her books. She’s a lover of the classics, both visual and literary. Prone to pick up a paperback over a digital copy. Her passion is to create stories good enough to hand down from one generation to the next.

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If you were to create a superhero that had a weakness for something totally unexpected, like pickles or bubble wrap, what would it be and why?

I would create a superhero who had a weakness for lists. Unsure that she’ll remember everything she’s supposed to, she depends on her detailed lists to keep her informed. Let’s face it, multitasking is no easy juggle, and when someone’s life, or the fate of the world, depends on it, Wonderperson needs to keep track of everything! Her list would probably include some of these things and a lot more.

Name of bad guys (alphabetical order). Cities that the bad guys harass the most (include map).

Location of car keys for undercover.

Location of car. (let’s face it, they can all look alike sometimes especially from the sky)

Location of disguise.

Check one.

Hanging in the closet,

Under the bed (tossed by mistake with Christmas wrapping paper).

In the dryer.

List of lightweight protein bars.

List of protein bars to keep weight light.

Destroyable buildings.

Buildings I had better not destroy.

Flight patterns and airport phone numbers in case I bump into something I shouldn’t have.

My social security number (in case I mess up).

If you could have any magical power, but it came with a ridiculous side effect, what would the power be and what would the side effect be?

My power would be to make people laugh just by thinking it. So that if someone were upset, I could look at them, wiggle my nose, and they would burst out laughing. Not a mean laugh. An honest hilarity that makes everyone around them laugh too until no one could take it anymore. Their sides would hurt and they would roll on their floor uncontrollably.

No doubt the side effect would be that I would start sneezing and not be able to stop, in which case I would have to leave the scene.

If you were stranded on a deserted planet with only one book to read, but it turned out to be one of your own, how would you feel?

I wouldn’t be happy. I would have to read that book over and over and edit and revise and maybe draw pictures to go with it, but I would be bored out of my mind because I’ve already done that too many times already. Then again, it would be a pretty good fire starter.

If you had to survive in a fantasy world with only the contents of your fridge, what would be your game plan?

Well, I would spend a lot of time eating the frozen non-dairy ice cream until I burst, because I wouldn’t want that to go to waste and most fantasy worlds don’t have freezers unless they take place in a freezing climate in which I could bury a cache in the ice and return to it later. But that would be highly unlikely. I’ll just eat it.

I would smoke the rest. Everything. Make beef jerky, chicken jerky, potato jerky, lettuce jerky. Anything that went bad I would use for bait and then make crab and fish jerky.

After that, I would embark on a never-ending expedition on foot over the craggy mountains, through sun-dappled valleys, across winding rivers and glassy lakes, a hero’s journey in search of a slimmer figure.

If you had to choose between having the ability to speak with animals or plants, which would you choose and why?

Plants hands down. Plants are patient. They don’t wiggle around and avoid looking at you. I’m sure some animals would talk back or try to get the upper hand with me and I’m more or less a control freak. That’s why I am a writer. I can control everything in the world I write. And if I can’t, well there’s always the filing cabinet. Even if I like what the characters are trying to do, they aren’t able to do it without me.

Plants are self-sacrificing, and I appreciate that. They give life as food or oxygen without resisting because they know how to keep on living even if I eat them. Some plants, like trees, live longer than we do. They see more; they experience more. I don’t think Tolkien was too far from reality when he wrote the Ents because everything about those fictional trees, their wisdom, the slowness of speech, and their worldview, was spot on. Not only would I speak with plants, but I would live with them, as I do. (As a side note, I already do talk to plants. I talk to animals too, but not as often and not as deeply.)

If you were secretly an alien visitor to the Earth, why are you here?

I’m taking notes. When I get home, I’ll write a book entitled “How Not To.”

Which trope of science fiction (phasers, transporters, time machines, much more) would you like to see put into our own reality? And how would you use it in a mundance way?

Time travel. I would use it when I have two or more engagements that I’d like to keep, like a party at my friend’s house or a meetup somewhere else. Or a book signing in one part of the state and another at a festival in a different town. With time travel I could be lots of places at once. It’d be awesome.

Speaking of time! My time-travel historical fantasy is currently a project on Kickstarter, with an illustrated, limited edition hardcover, and hardcover of the series as well. Cassandra’s Castle is about a rebellious young lady from Seattle who steps into a portal and travels to an alternate world of 1908, landing in the middle of a revolution. How surprised she is when she is wooed by an insurrectionist at the same time she falls in love with the king. If you like Portal travel,  a touch of science fiction, time travel, historical fantasy, deep character interaction that touches the heart, sweet romance, humor, magic, wizards, suspense, revolution, fencing, lots of twists and subplots, then you’ll love Cassandra’s Castle!

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/chonisi/cassandras-castle-a-time-travel-fantasy?ref=23wmki
You can find all my books on my website, from SFF to high fantasy and portal fantasy, to historical fiction and some sweet romance. https://gardnersart.com
Find me on Twitter https://twitter.com/KeeperOfChoNisi