Your old pal, Marcus Alexander Hart writes feel-good science-fiction comedy with lovable characters and antics that make beverages spray out your nose. He grew up on a steady diet of Douglas Adams, “Weird Al” Yankovic, and 1980s sitcoms, which prepared him for an adulting style that can best be described as “high-functioning hot mess.”
If you had to choose one of your books to be turned into a cheesy made-for-TV movie, which one would it be and who would you want to play the lead roles?
It would be my paranormal thriller, One Must Kill Another. It’s the story of a husband, wife, and their adult daughter, who are trapped in a cabin in the woods, and must sacrifice one so the others can live. And yes, I know it sounds just like the movie Knock at the Cabin, which came out five years later. Anyway, this book is rife with supernatural tension and violence, which I would love to see toned down and cheesed up to make it appropriate for a family-friendly TV audience.
The father, a failed sitcom writer, would be played with neurotic brilliance by Paul Giamatti. The mother, a Hollywood it-girl entering her golden years, would be played by Baywatch star turned consummate game-show host Brooke Burns. I don’t have a strong choice for the daughter, so how about Abby Quinn? She was in Knock at the Cabin, so she can explain to all of the late-night hosts how it’s totally not the same movie.
If you had to choose between being a cyborg or a hologram, which would you pick and why?
Oh, hologram, for sure. When you’re a cyborg, you’re all full of gross tubes of blood and oil, as well as the existential puzzle of whether you are more man or machine, and how that affects your humanity. So much baggage. Plus every time you go to a party you have to prove you’re a cyborg by slicing open your arm with a switchblade and pulling off your hand like a rubber glove. No thank you.
As a hologram, you’re basically the digital version of a mischievous ghost. You can appear and disappear at will, you can walk through walls, and you can have an instant wardrobe change to punctuate your jokes. Plus if they leave you on long enough you can evolve beyond your original programming and become besties with Seven of Nine. Hologram life is where it’s at.
If you could swap lives with any character from one of your books for a day, who would it be and what would you do?
It would absolutely be Alexis McRiott from Alexis vs. the Afterlife. She’s a former child star turned punk-rock burnout with absolutely no Fs to give. It would be so liberating to spend a day playing metal guitar and mouthing off to everyone from the Grim Reaper to Santa Claus. If I spent a day in her body, I think the non-stop chaos and irreverent adventure would more than make up for her horrific lack of personal hygiene. Oh, and also being dead.
If you had to choose between having the ability to speak with animals or plants, which would you choose and why?
I would talk to animals. The dogs in my neighborhood specifically. I have pressing questions, such as “What are you screaming at me every time I walk past your yard?” and “Why are you so angry that I exist?” and “Is your own barf really that delicious?”
If you had to choose one of your own fictional worlds to live in, which one would it be, and why?
Definitely the world of Galaxy Cruise. It’s a Douglas-Adams style, sci-fi comedy universe, full of absurd planets and aliens, and even more absurd situations. And it takes place on a cruise ship, so it would be like a relaxing vacation. Except it’s a cruise ship that’s lost in hostile alien space with a buffoon for a captain, so there are disturbingly regular brushes with death.
But think of the fun! I’d get to go volcano diving with a friendly feline cruise director, and explore the ruins of an ancient spacecraft with alien royalty, and fall in love with a hologram, which we’ve established is way better than falling in love with a cyborg. It would be a laugh a minute. Again, assuming my continued ability to stay alive. Which is unlikely.
If you’d like to take your chances exploring the Galaxy Cruise universe, all four books in the series are now available in one massive omnibus edition. That’s over 1,000 pages of sci-fi comedy, chronicling the complete voyages of the ill-fated cruise starship WTF Americano Grande. It’s a hoot, and you can grab it here: https://readerlinks.com/l/3866087
You can also check out my full library of nonsense and shenanigans at OldPalMarcus.com.
