HOW TO BE A FAN, Part 1

Title says it all. If you want to be a fan, here’s how.

The first thing you need to do is determine what kind of fan you want to be – hand-operated, mechanical, steam-powered or electric.

You should also make an early determination as to whether you want to be a three-bladed fan or a four-bladed fan (or maybe even that rarest of entities, the five-bladed fan).  They all have their pluses and minuses.  Most fans are four-bladed; many three-bladed fans find this disparity problematic and have, of late, been making a push for greater recognition of three-bladedness – and more power to ’em!  (We’re hearing very little from the five-bladers.)  Regardless, they ALL push air.

There are benefits and detriments to being a particular kind of fan;  hand-operated fans work under any circumstances – but can be exhausting (which the union of exhaust fans has been objecting to for years).  Mechanically operated fans are pretty efficient, but only run for a limited amount of time before requiring additional attention.  Steam-powered fans are often wonderful to look at – but the close proximity of a steam boiler kinda plays hob with the whole heat-exchange equation thingy.  Electric fans have got a lot of power – but need to be plugged in.  Toting around those extension cords can be a pain.

Next, you should probably gain some practice in standing in place for extended periods of time.  If you are of a rotational bent, a good exercise is to stand in the middle of an empty room and slowly turn your head through 180 degrees.  Start by looking over your left shoulder and slowly move your head until you are looking over your right shoulder, then repeat the motion in the opposite direction.  (Tilting your head at various angles can also be good exercise.)

Learn to blow.  Hard, long and consistently.  Remember, you’re a FAN, not a breeze.  Some small remnants of the ‘Huff-and-Puff’ school still survive even unto today and if this interests you, go for it – but be aware that this kind of fanning has largely fallen out of favor and some object strenuously to the practice.

If you have ambitions of moving beyond the everyday fan level, if you’re hoping to be a Big Name Fan (BNF), realize that such lofty positions are usually reserved for electric fans of the 220 variety.  You’ll most likely find yourself in an industrial setting, usually blowing down over whatever realm you’ve found yourself in.  That’s not a set-in-stone requirement; no Secret Masters of Fandom cabal has manipulated the entire industrial world into a preference for 220 amps, even if it may seen so from the outside.  If you want to be a BNF – go for it, whatever type of fan you are.  Just realize that you might have to work just a bit harder – push a ton of air – before you’ll be recognized as being the blow hard you really are.

Regardless of whatever fan you choose to be – be the best fan you know how to be!

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